I Will Always Remember You

I will always remember my sister. My little sister, Kayhu ( Kai-you) I will remember protecting you from our parents. I remember you running down the hallway, with the sweetest laugh. I remember putting you to bed, doing your favorite dance. I remember playing dress up with you and accompanying you to each and every tea party you hosted. You made the best plastic biscuits. I remember you holding my hand when you were learning to ride a bike. I remember giving you piggy back rides and carrying you when you fell down the stairs. I remember your little voice asking for the most absurd things such as money and a car when you were just 4 years old. I remember the first time you got sick. I was 12 years old. You were only 6. I remember this most of all because it was the day that Mom brought you home from school early. When I got home from school I asked why you were home. Mom didn’t say anything, and pointing to a note. A note saying that you had many bruises on you and you were not feeling well. A few days later, you were still home and worse than ever. Mom wasn’t home. I called 911 because you would not wake up. You were diagnosed with cancer that day. Leukemia. You lived for 3 more years after that. You were 9 years old the day you died. Everybody acted as if nothing happened. As if you were still here. You weren’t. As much as I may have wanted to believe it. I remember all the hospital visits, and the months staying in the ICU after all your surgeries. I remember giving you bone marrow transplants. I remember telling you stories about a prince who loved his princess so much, that he did everything he could to save her from the dark plague. I remember when PR was born. You loved your brother so much. You didn’t care that he was different. You didn’t care that because he was so so special that you were not allowed to touch him. You loved him without a second thought. I remember the day you received your first chemotherapy. You stayed in the hospital for weeks because of how sick you got from it. When you finally came home I remember you asking about your cake. I had promised that I would make you a cake. I forgot. It was the first time I failed you while you were sick. I remember when you were 8 years old, and I was 16. You were hospitalized for a stroke. It was July. You were in the hospital for 3 more months after that. You had severe bleeding into your brain, and your body could not handle anymore medications. You celebrated your 9th and final birthday in your hospital bed. It was September 8th. PR was 3 years old and he had just learned to walk on his own. He walked into your room and brought you flowers. It was actually a drawing of 2 flowers that he drew. You were so happy. The nurse brought balloons in and tied them to your bed and we brought streamers to decorate. Mom didn’t come see you that day. I still have never forgave her for that. Your doctors and nurses all took a few minutes to celebrate with you. You blew out your birthday cupcake, but you never ate it. You didn’t have the appetite. We celebrated for only about an hour before you fell back asleep. Periodically you would wake up and the nurses would try and feed you. You had to have an IV of more fluids when you became dehydrated. You were wasting away. In September, you passed away. That night was the night you told me to stay safe, and be happy. Those were strong words you said to me. I finished the prince and the princess story that night. It ended like this:

…No matter how hard the prince tried, he couldn’t save the princess. The plague had spread too far through her body. She held his hand as he kissed her nose and told her he loved her. He stroked her brown hair and watched her close her big brown eyes. He whispered goodnight, and she whispered goodbye.

Your heart stopped beating in October when we finally took you off life support. You were gone long before that. I still feel your hand in mine as your story ended.

I will always remember you Kayhu.

Happy 11th Birthday Little Sister. ❤

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About Joseph

18 year old dad raising a special needs 2 year old, while struggling with Dravet Syndrome.
This entry was posted in birthday, cancer, childhood cancer, CML, death, family, hospital, kids, leukemia, love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I Will Always Remember You

  1. Just.A.Mum says:

    It is posts like these that make readers like me, understand why you are wise beyond your years. I can’t imagine losing a sibling, or indeed going through what you must have lived through every day. I have seen people come and go, and when I lost my aunty to cancer which devastated our family, my mother (it was her sister) said to me “she was needed somewhere else”. I hold on to that. Every time we lose someone special, I hold on to that. My best friend’s husband was battling cancer and after a successful bone marrow transplant, he was killed in falling debris in the Christchurch earthquake. We all rise above the dark times to fight another day. Just like you fight every day for your health and the well being of your precious son. As they say in my country – Kia Kaha. (Be strong).

    • Joseph says:

      Thank you. That is so true– “she was needed somewhere else” My sister was probably needed to help the Queen of England prepare biscuits for tea time.
      Unfortunately, death is common to me. I have lost so many people close to me that it has become a regular thing and I hate to say it but its true. I can relate so well to devastation at the loss of a loved one. I try and live by my little sisters last words, and my little brother’s as well. It takes a lot to keep going but they wouldnt want to see us fail. I cant imagine what your friend had gone through. I am shocked. But yes, we have to fight on.

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